CCCC- Coordinating Council for Children in Crisis

Personal Stories

Our CCCC family of program participants, staff and volunteers share their stories here. All the names of participants have been changed.

Sylvia, in her own words

I experienced a very difficult and painful situation in my life. I was abused verbally and emotionally by my husband. He did not hit me, but his behavior and words were enough to leave deep injuries in my heart. I have two children, 7 and 4 years old. They and I had to experience a hard time when the power service was cut because my husband did not pay it. Sometimes we did not have money to buy food. Thank God a friend of mine was always caring for us as my brothers and sisters from my church did as well. In that period of my life I did not know what to do, I felt very fearful, nervous, and desperate, I cried every night, I could not sleep thinking where my husband could be. He used to disappear for 3 days in a row and I did not know where he was. He used drugs and when he asked me for money and I did not give him any, he became aggressive and started selling our belongings. He stole money twice from my bank account. Every day there was an argument, and he only had offensive words for me.

Then I heard about the CCCC domestic violence program, I called them and they assisted me very quickly. They had the patience, love and time to be there for me. Their support and counseling were of great help to me, especially in a time so difficult. Thanks to CCCC for their help and comprehension.

Now I rent an apartment, which is very nice and where my children and I feel safe, warm and happy. I feel at peace and I have gotten back my self-confidence. Also, the relationship with my sisters is much better now. I spend quality time with my children and I have gained the authority over them my husband tried to take away from me in the past. I feel my children respect and trust me.

Sally

Sally is a 26 year old single mom of 2 children, both girls ages 6 and 8. She lives in a high crime neighborhood in New Haven but takes pride in the fact that she was able to move her family out of the housing projects; she is taking steps now to move to a safer neighborhood in the next year. Sally fears for her children and wants desperately for them to have a better life than she has had. Sally has faced tremendous obstacles in her life, including sexual, physical and emotional abuse and the loss of two of her siblings. She takes care of her elderly mother and usually finds herself financially supporting both parents. She is the youngest child in her family but is often the one people go to when they need something. Sally still finds the time to devote to her children’s education; both of her children are in the “talented and gifted” programs at their schools. After years of working low paying jobs she now works full time for a major employer in the New Haven area where she has steady hours and makes good pay. She hopes that this job and the support and guidance she is getting from CCCC will mean a new start for her family. She has many hopes and dreams that she wants to fulfill for the sake of herself and her children.

Luz

Luz is a 32 year old South American mother of two children, who came to the United States three years ago to join her children’s father. Luz was referred to CCCC by a New Haven Court Advocate following a physical altercation between Luz and her partner. Luz had contacted the police and her partner had been arrested. Luz told CCCC that her partner had abused her emotionally and physically since she came to the US. She reported that she felt like the “most little person in this world”. She stated that in her native home, she was a completely different woman, very independent, self-confident and happy, but since coming to the US she has been sad, insecure and fearful. Luz explained that she had never experienced domestic violence before and that this experience, in an unknown country where she had no support or friends, was very traumatic for her.

As a result of her CCCC counseling, Luz gained an understanding of her partner’s pattern of coercive power and control, how it affected her attempts to leave the relationship and how it influenced her children’s behavior. She began to feel less isolated, improved her unstable financial situation and improved her ability to communicate in English. She began to set limits with her children, was consistent with discipline and routines and she began dedicating time just to play and be with them. By the end of services, Luz’s daughter was attending a Head Start Program and no longer withdrawn and her son was able to curb his aggression and learned positive ways to express his emotions and needs. Luz has established herself and her children in their own apartment and she is well on her way to self sufficiency.

Noreen McElroy, Nurturing Families Network Home Visitor

I visit Denise, a 21 year old mother and her 3month old son. They live with the baby’s father but he is never home when I visit. When I met this mom I knew that she was unmarried, unemployed and had a history of depression – these were the circumstances that qualified her for our home visiting program. Soon after our first home visit this young woman confided that she had been living under her boyfriend’s abusive and controlling behavior for a long time. There was no food in the house; she had no key to the apartment, and no telephone of her own. Her partner had a cell phone but he would not leave it with her. He had taken her debit card. There were times that she left the house and he locked her out, leaving her to wait outside until he decided to let her in. She had been completely cut off from her friends and family and found in me someone she could confide in about her situation.

Since we met I have seen this Mom go through a lot. Most of all has been the death of her dream to provide what she perceives as a complete family unit for her son. But, through all of this turmoil and crisis, Denise has been a wonderful mother. She is so connected to her baby. She is attentive and loving and wants to give him the world. He is a happy, healthy, alert little guy who has a smile for anyone who looks his way or talks to him. Mom loves our home visits and is very interested in information about her son’s development - knowledge that she was unaware existed. We talk about child development, health care and inoculations, safety, bonding and nurturing. One particular visit we discussed brain development and “windows of opportunity”. This mom was fascinated to learn that the foundations for vision, hearing, speech and emotional attachment were established in infancy. In addition she learned that her daily interaction with her baby influences and enhances his learning now and in the future. It is my pleasure to be a part of her awareness.

Another part of our weekly home visit is a parent-child activity. This time is used to support bonding and to demonstrate an age appropriate skill. Sometimes this is a craft – like the black and white patterned mobile we make for infants, or developmental readiness – like allowing baby “tummy time” to strengthen back, neck and arm muscles. A favorite in this family was an eye tracking exercise that had baby following objects as they were moved in an arc from left to right. Mom got a kick out of baby’s ability to do this and the way he would choose to look at his mother’s face instead of the toy!

I have seen this mom grow a lot. She still lives with the baby’s father but now has a phone, a key and is very protective of her limited finances. She has a safety plan in place in case the situation becomes volatile. She is reconnecting with old friends and family, and making plans for the future that include employment, college, and her own apartment. Her progress consists of two steps forward, one step back. Her life is not easy, our visits are not always consistent, and she has a lot to accomplish. I am happy that it is my job to help her move forward toward her goals.

Stories from CCCC Women's Empowerment Group

Natasha (pseudonym)

I would say that I got a lot from this...the groups help with self-respect and goals in life! I also like it a lot cause there is guidance and motivation from the staff...I also like the hands-on work cause it makes things go off your mind and helps you see things in a different way. I also feel like the people in my group are so much like me it helps my past come out on everything I've been going through. They can feel the same and I don't have to feel different or sad or embarrassed or shy to talk about it!!!

Simone (pseudonym)

This class helped me with so much. Dealing with pain, not knowing how domestic violence could hurt, not only you but your family and kids. Things that I was thinking was ok really wasn't. This class has given me the motivation to move forward and that violence comes in a lot of ways, breaking, yelling and more. I feel free. I'm away from it. I feel happy. When I started I had been down out feeling, like what was the point of this, I didn't need it but now I really see I needed it more than ever. I didn't know how many women really had the same problems as me.

Robin, CCCC Contributor

I think it is very important to help your own community. There is nothing more important than a child. It is so unnecessary for a child in this city to go hungry and that is why I have been brining bags of food every month to CCCC for about ten years.